Only God knows what’s best for my life and that far too often looks nothing like I thought it should.
I didn’t want an only child. In fact, I’ve cried many tears over our situation and don’t know if there will ever be a day my heart doesn’t hurt a little for what I feel like she’s missing out on. I don’t know that I’ll ever stop hating that she doesn’t have a sibling to share life with. I don’t know that my heart will ever stop hurting for the baby we lost – the sibling she should have had. I don’t know that it will ever stop hurting when she has to answer with sadness if she has a sibling or not. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop wondering what could have been.
But what I do know is God has a plan so much bigger than mine.
As I lay praying in bed the other night God reminded me that his way is truly better. I was praying for my daughter to find a friend that will be like a sibling to her – perhaps another only child. A child whose parents will trust us to take their child on vacation with us or even a family willing to vacation alongside us. I was praying because earlier that day I saw the sadness in her eyes when her friends were talking about their siblings. But, that’s when it hit—His
Two years ago when we were looking to move neighborhoods I couldn’t find a house where I wanted us to live. I was looking in a specific neighborhood because I wanted our daughter at a specific school. I thought about trying to transfer into that school even though we didn’t find a house in the neighborhood but decided to stay at the school we were zoned for. God knew better and I trusted that – mostly.
You see our home is smaller – perfect for smaller families. Our neighborhood is made of smaller homes – also perfect for smaller families. Had my girl ended up at the other school a good chunk of her friends would have multiple siblings reminding her yet again that she’s all alone. Her friends here have siblings but a lot of them only have one and for whatever reason, that’s more bearable for my girl. I hadn’t truly seen the blessing in that until recently.
His plans though they don’t always make sense to me have a greater purpose. He gets to see the end picture and I don’t. I may never know why we are only a family of three, but I trust that He is working it all for His good and His glory. I want to continue to see the blessings along the way. I want to be reminded of how the small and big details are being worked out. I want to see the small glimpses of the big picture. I want to step back from time to time and be able to truly thank him for this story of mine that HE is writing. I won’t ever truly understand it but I am thankful.
This week, I am thankful that he put us in this house, on this street, in this neighborhood that feeds into our perfect school. It’s at that school that I’ve begun to make a set of friends that I don’t know would have met any other way. It’s in this school that God gave us a Kindergarten teacher that had an only daughter for many years. It’s in this school that she’s met another little girl that’s an only child. It’s in this school where she’s met friends that I hope will be like brothers for years to come. It’s on this street that we’ve met a friend whose youngest is a bit younger than her siblings making her free to join us for special outings. It’s here and right now that’s perfect for our family but only because God is writing our story.
Learn to appreciate your story. Find ways to see how God is making your story a beautiful one.